


Puppy Tears

by HailForTheQueen



Category: Fruits Basket
Genre: Abuse, Depression, Drinking to Cope, Hate, Heavy Angst, Lots of it, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, suicidal, tag as I update
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-25
Updated: 2016-05-11
Packaged: 2018-06-04 12:21:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6657532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HailForTheQueen/pseuds/HailForTheQueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shigure is depressed again but, after a couple of weeks and a confession to Hatori, Hatori is convinced Shigure is just seeking attention and also tells Ayame, Yuki, Kyo and Haru. When he is truly alone and truly depressed, what will Shigure do..? Originally posted on Fanfiction.net</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Fruits Basket or any of the characters
> 
> Don't read if you don't like the characters being depressed and whatnot..

The depression came back and it was now worst than it had ever been. It shook him awake at night and haunted his day, ever present, ever loyal. It was a constant ghost of a dead and now malevolent happiness, just wanting him to die from utter misery.

Shigure sighed, his gloomy expression, lazy posture and the dark patches under his eyes, visible evidence of his fatigue. Sleepless nights and exhausting days was his new routine and though it was unwelcome, it stuck with him. It was the second week since his depression came back and people were starting to notice.

**** A couple days ago ****

Hatori looked up from his newspaper, a cigarette perched between his lips. He looked straight at Shigure who had hardly spoken all day. Being his stubborn, doctor self, he had not said anything to him about it, just simply observed but now he was starting to get impatient.

Shigure looked up, feeling the doctor's gaze heavy on him. He quickly flashed a smile and when he got no reaction, a hurt puppy-dog face, pouting slightly and almost whimpering. "What is it Ha-san?" The doctor's gaze got more intense and Shigure knew that Hatori was getting suspicious of something.

"I'm just tired Ha-san!" He tried to laugh off the serious stare and picked up his newspaper, pretending to read.

Hatori almost fell for the I-just-didn't-get-much-sleep act. Almost. He knew Shigure too well. For the rest of the day he kept a close eye on him, noticing the way he was constantly stumbling, frowning, yawning and moving stiffly.

Curious as he was as to what was making Shigure act like this, he asked no questions and left after dinner.

**** Present ****

"Shigure-san! Dinner's ready!"

He quickly snapped out of his thoughts and back to a dark reality.

He sighed, put on a fake smile and walked out of his bedroom and towards the kitchen.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Fruits basket or any of the characters, if I did... heh heh...
> 
> Authors note: I should've said this in chapter 1 but, this story is gonna be full of Shigure's darker side with self harm, depression and suicidal thoughts/actions. If you don't like this stuff, fine by me, just don't write any negativity and I'll tell you when I write more heartwarming and emotional stuff (they'll probably be oneshots). Plus, I'm new to this so, yeah...

Shigure sat bolt upright in bed, drenched in sweat and hyperventilating. The alarm next to his bed read 02:42 in bold red.

He frantically looked around his room for something to calm him after such a vivid and terrifying nightmare. There was nothing but darkness.

He jumped out of bed but, fell to the floor, entangled in his duvet.

He choked back a scream as he fought off the blanket and struggled to his feet, crashing into his bookshelf as the blood rushed to his head and the dizziness knocked him off balance. He held onto it, trying to steady his shaking body and, after a minute or two regained balance and rushed out of the door.

Still hyperventilating and now shaking worse than before, he blindly stumbled towards the stairs. His head was pounding, vision blurred by tears welling up in his eyes. Halfway down the stairs he started coughing uncontrollably and lost his balance for the second time, consequently falling down the rest of the stairs.

He had landed on his side and luckily not hit his head.

After making so much noise since awakening, he was surprised he hadn't roused anyone from their beds.

_Heavy sleepers.._

His whole body was hurting as he lay there but, he knew what he had to do and, the sooner the better.

After laying there for a while, he picked himself up only to have his knees buckle underneath him.

Tears streamed down his face as he crawled to the phone.

He picked it up and tried dialling a number, struggling because of his shaky hands and blurred, unfocused vision. Finally it started to ring.

A couple moments went by until he heard a tired yet familiar voice answer.

"H-Haa-san?"

"Shigure? What the hell is so important that you woke me up past 3 in the morning to tell me?" His voice was angry and harsh making Shigure rethink his plan.

"Haa-san..."

 _Just tell him what's been going on, he'll help, he's been your friend since you were a child,_ the voice in his head urged.

"Haa-san, I had a terrible nightmare! I've hardly slept in the past month, I can't take it! I'm depressed again Haa-san! I dont know what to do anymore, it's like it's taking over my-"

He was cut off by an unimpressed and irritated Hatori.

"Shigure, shut up. Don't start this again. Faking depression? It's despicable, I thought you grew out of the whole attention seeking charade in college. Just stop. I can't believe you actually woke me up for this..." Hatori let out a long, exhausted sigh. "Don't even think about telling anyone else Shigure, they don't need to deal with your stupid antics, it's not fair. Go to bed, leave me and everyone else alone." And with that the line went dead, leaving a shaking, crying and shocked Shigure in a heap on the floor.

_What just happened..?_

Hatori, his childhood friend, his family, his dictor, the person he thought he could always rely on had just rejected him, brushed his problems off as attention seeking. If he couldn't even count on Hatori, who could he count on..?

He stood, a headache now forming, a stream of tears running down his cheels before falling from his chin.

His legs had somehow led him to the kitchen where his hand had somehow found a knife. It was too early in the morning to smoke.

_Will this ever get better? Probably not, if Hatori didn't take me seriously, no one will._

His hand holding the knife was getting weak and he almost dropped it but, used the last of his energy to hold it up, trying to tighten his grip.

He undid the buttons of his pajama shirt, exposing his chest to the cool air around him. Light from outside shone into the room illuminating the pale scars that lay on most of his stomach. Such old scars, dating all the way back to college. He had thought that he would never do it again after he had graduated..

_I can't end it all right now, can I? No. I have Kyo, Yuki and Tohru to think about, I can't let them find me like this, it's too cruel, but I need to do something... The stomach would be too obvious to Hatori and Aya.. What about my arm..?_

Before he could even acknowledge his actions, he rolled up his sleeve and slashed at his arm with the knife until the pain was too much and he dropped the knife onto the counter, clutching at his bleeding arm.

Falling to his knees and holding his arm, he had to admit, through that familiar pain, he felt better somehow, relieved, like a build-up of anxiety, depression and thoughts had leaked out along with his blood. He moved away his hand and watched the red liquid drain from his left arm and drop onto the floor where a small puddle was collecting. The cuts were deep and weren't going to stop bleeding on their own any time soon.

In a daze, he stood on unsteady feet, holding his arm and making his way towards the downstairs bathroom in search of the first aid kit.

As the blood poured from the wounds, Shigure almost smiled, he found the red somewhat calming. He now had control of his pain. He caused it himself, not Hatori or Akihiko or anyone else, he felt in control.

He locked the bathroom door behind him and turned on the tap, allowing cold water to wash away the blood from his arm and hand, stinging the cuts at first but then soothing them.

However, the time it took to get the bandages out of the kit was enough to allow fresh blood to pour from the wounds, a sickening maroon that contrasted with his pale skin, even in the weak moonlight that came from the small window at the top of the walls. He ran the cold water over his arm again.

After a couple failed attempts, he managed to successfully bandage up his left arm in layers of soft cotton strips though, small spots of red soaked though, staining and otherwise perfect bandage.

He buttoned up his shirt and sighed heavily as he thought about the bigger task of cleaning the blood from the kitchen..

*** Half An Hour Later ***

He had completely finished cleaning and now, slightly calmer yet even more exhausted, managed to get back to his bedroom with the knife in his hand which he stored beneath his bed. Sleep came quickly and thankfully, this time he had neither nightmare nor dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Most of my chapters will be short and fast paced but, the first few will be kind of slow (sorry) because you kind of need the story before I can really get into it. The next chapter is going to be the longest so far. Don't forget to Gove me kudos, at least that way I can see if anyone actually likes this...


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Fruits Basket or any of the characters, how goddamn smart do you think I am..?

_into the story haha.. yeah... Well, enjoy! Or don't..._

It was about seven in the morning and Tohru, Kyo and Yuki were all up.

Dawn spilt into the rooms of the house, birds singing and the smell of breakfast wafting up the stairs, teasing Kyo though, having no visible affect on Yuki who stood leaning against the wall in the hallway, eyes closed.

As Kyo walked past and towards the stairs, he swore he could hear his cousin softly snoring. He rolled his eyes and went down the stairs towards the irresistible smell of breakfast.

He went into the kitchen to see Tohru beaming at him, hair tied back, frying pan in hand.

"Good morning.." He mumbled as he opened the fridge, grabbing the carton of milk and sniffing it before ultimately taking a large swig from it.

"Breakfast is almost done! Could you please get Yuki? He must be pretty hungry aha," she said, her voice comically happy. It was hard for him to say no so he exhaled, trying to show his utter displeasure at having to interact with Yuki but left without a word, leaving the carton of milk on the counter and Tohru smiling.

"YUKI!" Kyo yelled from the bottom of the stairs. "GET DOWNSTAIRS, TOHRU ASKED YOU TO HAVE BREAKFAST!"

He almost immediately heard a loud crash assuming it was cause by Yuki. Curious as the cat was as to what had happened, he hated Yuki and went back to the kitchen with his eyes closed and letting out yet another sigh. _Damn rat..._

In his sleepy daze, Yuki stumbled down the stairs and towards the living room where Tohru greeted him and Kyo looked just about ready to eat anything he could lay his hands on.

The trio had finished eating and were doing last minute preparations before school. Tohru, who had finished cleaning up, decided to go check up on Shigure, wondering if he'd be down to eat soon or if she should just put leftovers in the fridge and leave a note. Finally deciding to go and ask as to make sure she didn't do the wrong thing, she walked up the stairs and towards his room.

_This way I'll know that he's awake and ready to eat soon and if not I'll just put his breakfast in the fridge for later! Hopefully I don'tnt disrupt him if he's sleeping or busy..._

She knocked on the door lightly, listening carefully for a response. Hearing nothing she gently opened the door.

She stood in the doorway looking into his room, slightly unsure of what to do.

"Um, Shigure-san..?"

He sat hunched in the chair at his desk, back towards her, completely silent and until now, oblivious anyone else in the house was still there.

He turned to face her slowly a blank expression plastered on his face instead of his signature cheery smile.

His mind was still reeling, asking countless depressing questions about everything that had happened. As he turned around he barely even registered Tohru, all he saw was a person standing there, looking at him. He blinked, hoping the person was just an illusion that would soon disappear.

"Shigure-san..." she said again, her voice edged with concern.

Realising who it was and that she was worried, he instantly snapped out of his daze and slapped on a lopsided smile.

"Ah, Tohru! Good morning!" He stood up beaming at her, trying to make the worry in her expression fade away.

She smiled back weakly.

"Breakfast is in the kitchen," she stated, trying to sound a little happier.

"Thank you, I shall be down in no time,"

Worry was still etched in her expression as she bit her lip and frowned slightly.

"Um, Shigure-san, are you okay?"

"Why of course I am! What could possibly be wrong on a day as beautiful as this? I was just a little tired, I did stay up much of last night working on my manuscript,"

_Ohh! that explains it! Silly me, I'm sure he would've said if there was something bothering him. Wait, does he know he can..?_

"Aha, okay but, Shigure-san, you know you can talk to us about anything right? Me and Yuki are always here for you! Even Kyo is, he might seem a bit... angry or complicated sometimes but, he really does care for his family and friends!"

Shigure genuinely smiled at that. _Maybe I can.._

"Thank you Tohru-kun. Now you better hurry off to school, Yuki and Kyo must be waiting but, could you please put breakfast in the fridge?"

"Aha, okay ans you're right. Have a good day!" With that she smiled and left and, after a couple moments he heard the front door open and then close.

Shigure closed his eyes and sighed deeply.

_And I'm alone again..._

His whole body was aching from falling down the stairs last night and his left arm was sore and pained but, none of that compared to the stabbing feeling in his heart as he thought back to Hatori's words.

A lump formed in his throat, tears welled in his eyes.

He sighed again, now was not the time for crying.

He quickly showered, changed his bandages and dressed in a navy kimono.

For the rest of the day he did nothing but continued with his manuscript, smoke and read.

* * *

"I'm home!" Kyo, Yuki and Tohru called accompanied by Momiji and Haru.

"Welcome back!" Shigure called from living room where he sat reading one of his favorite books. Though he was please at seeing the three and the surprise visit from Momiji and Haru, he still had to force his smile. He had to do that a lot lately, smiles just didn't seem to come naturally anymore.

The five came into the room and sat down all apart from Tohru who went into the kitchen to get them drinks.

"Would you like anything Shigure-san?" Tohru asked brightly.

"No thanks..." He mumbled, turning back to his book.

Haru instantly picked up on the dullness of the author. It was easy for him to tell when something might not be right with few he really cared about. Shigure was one of those people Haru had a slight soft spot for, after all, he had taken Yuki into his house for which Haru was forever grateful. He made a mental note to watch Shigure a little more closely to see if it was simply fatigue or something different entirely.

After a while, Tohru came back with the drinks and they all sat and talked and did homework.

Shigure had had enough of it, he loved them all but the happiness radiating from them was overwhelming and the contrast only made his depression clearer.

He stood up slowly and walked up the stairs and into his room, closing the door behind him.

At that, Haru frowned slightly. Why was sensei acting so.. sad...?

He was going to ask before he left and would not be satisfied without answers.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Well, I don't own Fruits Basket for a lot of reasons so, yeah...

It's been an hour since Shigure went to his room and the curiosity was killing Haru. He suddenly jumped up.

"Where are you going?" Yuki asked as he tried to pry Momiji from around his waist where he he happily clung and smiled.

"Can I get a snack?" he asked, face as blank as usual.

"Uh, sure," Yuki replied and went back to the task at hand of trying in vain to detach himself from Momiji's surprisingly strong hold.

Haru strolled into the kitchen as Tohru was preparing dinner, washing and slicing vegetables.

"Oh, hi Haru-kun! Did you want something?" she asked brightly, pausing in the current leek she was chopping, not wanting to accidentally hurt herself.

"Just a snack,"

"Of course! Just help yourself aha," she said and continued preparing the vegetables, a warm smile on her face.

Haru opened the fridge and quickly scanned it's contents, his eyes eventually lingering on something in particular.

_Breakfast?_

"Who's breakfast is this..?" He mumbled under his breath, quiet enough as so Tohru wouldn't hear. He picked the plate of food up and placed it on the counter, the glass making a _clink_ on the surface. He picked up the post-it note that was stuck to the cling film and read it.

_Shigure's? Why is his breakfast in here?_

He glanced up at Tohru briefly and considered asking her.

_No, him not eating breakfast would only worry her, I can't let her find this. But it's kind of a waste to throw such good cooking away... Oh well._

With that, he picked up the plate and slid the food into the bin quietly on the other side of the room. He walked back and slowly put the plate on the counter, took some fruit and left, questions flooding his mind.

Tohru had just finished making dinner. By now, Kyo had retreated to the roof leaving Yuki, Haru and Momiji in the living room and Tohru in the kitchen.

Tohru walked into the living room, smiling as Momiji ran over to her, arms falling by his side, a drawing clutched in one hand.

She praised his drawing skills before announcing that dinner was ready.

"Would one of you be so kind as to go get Kyo-kun and Shigure-san?"

"I'll get them," Haru said before anyone else had a chance to offer and left, leaving the four of them to set the table and put down the food.

_First Kyo._

Haru made his way to the roof to see Kyo laying there, a text book laying on his face, head resting on his arms and elbows jutting out. He walked over to him, taking care to make sure he had balance and shook him awake.

Dazed, Kyo sat up and stared at Haru's impassive face until he said something, his sleepy state preventing him to snap at his younger cousin and demand an answer as to why he was there.

"Dinner's ready," and with that, Haru left and walked towards Shigure's room.

He knocked loudly and listened for a reply. Not getting an answer, he opened the door, stepped in and closed it. The first thing that hit him was the smell. Cigarettes, leather-bound books, ink and a slight hint of what was probably aftershave, that's what Shigure and his room usually smelled like but right now, the smell of cigarettes was almost all he could smell. The second thing that hit him was the darkness. The curtains were closed and the lights turned off.

"Sensei?" Haru said as he reached for the light switch and turned it on.

He lay curled up in a tight ball, shaking ever so slightly.

"Sensei?" Haru repeated, this time softer as he walked towards the bed and stood looking down at the shaking figure.

"Sensei,"

He crouched down and put his hand on Shigure's back as he was facing the wall. And thats when he heard it. The sound that broke his heart and caused his eyes to well with tears. He heard his sensei let out a sob.

_Oh... Oh no..._

"Sensei, look at me!"

Another sob.

"Sensei!"

This time Haru used his strenght to roll Shigure over so they were facing each other.

His face was flushed and tears leaked from his scrunched up, puffy eyes.

"Oh Kami, Sensei... What is it?"

He suddenly sat up, tears dripping from his chin. He stared straight at Haru for a while before bringing his knees to his chest, resting his arms on them and burying his face before he started crying again.

Haru sat on the bed next to him, looking at his Sensei, slightly unsure of what to do before he pulled him into a hug. He had never heard so much sorrow from simply crying and it was really breaking his heart.

Now, Haru was never one for lovey-dovey-mushy stuff but, evident in his attitude towards Yuki, he really does care for people he loves and Shigure was one of those people, so, when he saw him crying like that, he really had to choice but to offer all the comfort he could.

They sat there like that for a while, Shigure crying and shaking while Haru held him and rubbed his back in soothing circular motions.

Finally, Shigure started to calm down until his tears had completely subsided and he was stable.

"Sensei, talk to me,"

Shigure lifted his head to look at Haru who stared back intensely into deep brown eyes, sorrow and pain all too evident.

"I-I just..." He sighed and leaned against the wall, closing his eyes.

"You just what?"

Not getting a reply, he decided to investigate a different matter for the time being.

"Sensei, have you eaten today?"

Another sigh.

"Don't bother lying to me, I saw your untouched breakfast,"

"No, I don't think I've eaten but, I don't care,"

"Sensei-"

"Don't worry, I'm fine,"

"Then go eat dinner,"

"I'm not hungry,"

Haru was honestly a little taken aback, how can you not be hungry after not eating all day?

"Sensei, you haven't eaten all day"

"I don't need you acting like you're in charge of me, now go away please," by now Shigure was sitting up straight staring straight back at Haru.

Haru was impatient now. His black side wanted to pay them a visit but, that wouldn't help either of them so he used what little self-restraint he had to force it back.

"Sensei, come on," his voice was stern and commanding.

"No,"

Haru got up and glared at his older cousin for a moment before reaching out and grabbing his left arm to drag him up.

Haru let go and stared at his Sensei after he let out a cry of pain at the action.

"Sensei?"

"..."

_Did me grabbing his arm hurt him? Was it because I was too harsh or was it already injured? I better check._

"Show me your arm,"

Shigure stayed silent, looking down at the floor, his left arm cradled in his right.

_It's definitely hurt.._

"Shigure," his voice was dangerous, angry.

He quickly reached out and grabbed his arm earning another cry of pain. Shigure struggled to pull his arm away but Haru had a strong grip and he was in an awkward position.

Shigure was starting to panic. _Really_ panic.

_Haru's going to see them. Haru's going to be disgusted. Haru's going to hate me. Haru's going to tell everyone_

He could feel Haru's intense gaze on him as he held his left arm. He could feel him tug at the sleeve to see Shigure's reaction.

Shigure started to hyperventilate to Haru's surprise. He was expecting a reaction but not one so... drastic.

Deciding it was best to just look and deal with his reaction after, he slowly rolled up the navy sleeve and he could could swear he saw-

"Haru," they both turned to look to the door seeing no other than Hatori. Haru stopped in his tracks, how could he not after Hatori just called his name with such sharpness and warning.

"Go downstairs,"

"But-"

"No buts. Downstairs. Now." He left no room for argument.

With some reluctance, he let go of Shigure, looked straight into his eyes and stalked off.

"Haa-san.."

"Shigure you fucking idiot! He almost saw your goddamn arm! Like he needs that kind of stress,"

The breath caught in Shigure's throat at the words from Hatori, new tears starting to form in his eyes.

"Haa-san, I'm sorry, I just-"

"I don't want your fucking excuses Shigure,"

Hatori sighed and walked over to the dog and rolled up his left sleeve without any objections, the one he had seen Haru holding. He undid the blood-stained bandages that stuck to his skin, slightly looser than they should be. But as soon as he saw the deep cuts and looked back up to Shigure, a look of utter and pure disgust crossed his face staying there until he looked at Shigure again.

"You fucking idiot,"

Shigure flinched at the comment, Hatori's expression slowly carving itself in his memory.

Quickly, quietly and unnoticed, Hatori retrieved the first aid kit from the bathroom and properly dressed the wounds. Once he had done, he looked straight at Shigure's dark eyes, always hiding the truth apart from now. His eyes had so many conflicting emotions in them, it was doing something to Hatori. There was despair, hopelessness, relief, joy, gratitude, sorrow, pain.

A sudden flush of emotion came over Hatori. He couldn't even begin to understand what it was but, in the sudden heat of the moment, he raised his a hand and struck Shigure on his cheek.

Two shocked gasps then silence. Such dreadful silence. It hung heavy in the room, suffocating, blinding.

"You stupid, fucking mutt." Hatori whispered, his voice now unusually hoarse, trying to disguise the tremble. With that, he left, pausing in the doorway only to tell him to come downstairs for dinner, flicking the lights off and leaving.

For a while, Shigure just sat and stared into the darkness of his room, silent, empty, shocked, scared... Eventually, he picked himself off of the bed, and decided to go down as not to worry anyone.

* * *

_That was.. unlike me, to say the least. I can't believe I actually hit him.._ Hatori thought to himself as he left the bedroom and made his way downstairs and towards the others.

_But it did make me feel... I don't know... in control? Yeah, it made me feel... better..._

"Shigure-san said to eat without him," he said as he sat down. Everybody gave a prayer for the meal and tucked in.

 _I guess he kind of deserved it though, he did almost let Haru see them. I bet he won't be making that mistake again._ He gave himself a smug smile of satisfaction. _That will come in handy whoever I need to teach him a lesson or prove my point._

* * *

Shigure walked into the living room where he was greeted by he majority of people who were halfway through the meal.

_Haa-san must have told them to start without me.._

He sat down and just as he was about to eat was stopped.

"Shigure!" Tohru screeched causing everyone to stop, "Your cheek! What happened!?" They were all now focusing on his left cheek that was flushed and now slightly blue, obviously starting to bruise. What can you say? Hatori was stronger than he realised.

"Oh... I-I uhm, walked into my bookshelf on the way down," he gave a nervous chuckle, trying to avoid eye contact with Hatori.

Nobody was completely convinced but Hatori just looked away.

"Shigure..." Yuki said, clearly concerned.

"Really! What else could've happened? I've been alone all day and I am an author, don't you think I would've come up with a less cliche and more believable excuse if I had something to hide?" He looked at everyone individually, daring them to question his writing skills and creative mind, trying to hide the fact that it was the only excuse he could think of in his panicked state.

"Well, okay," Yuki said.

Everybody else continued with their meal. However, Haru was getting angry. He knew it had to have been Hatori who hurt him, it couldn't have been anyone else.

Throughout the rest of the meal, Haru looked up only to glare at Hatori and occasionally comment in the conversation as to not seem too brooding.

Finally everyone finished. Tohru began clearing everything away as Hatori told Momiji and Haru to get in the car.

"Bye Tohru-kun! Bye Yuki-kun! Bye Kyo-kun! Bye Shigure-san!" With that, Momiji ran out of the door and headed towards the car.

"Bye," but before Haru left, he went over to Shigure and, much to everyone's surprise, hugged him.

"Bye Sensei," just before completely letting go, he squeezed Shigure's left arm harder than everyone thought in a seemingly ugly comforting gesture.

Well, it seemed like that to everyone but Hatori who glared both of them and Shigure whose eyes widened in sheer pain and pulled away, though, no one else seemed to notice that. Shigure, Hatori and Haru all looked at each other, tension rising.

"Bye," Hatori said, dragging Haru out of the door and slamming it shut behind them before anyone had a chance to cause a commotion.

Shigure went to his room clutching at his arm, Kyo to the roof and Yuki helped Tohru clean up.

Everything was seemingly calm once again in a house filled with deceit, pain and mystery.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Fruits Basket so let me get the hell on with it!
> 
> Hey guys, if you guys thought Hatori was mean before then check out this.. I hope you like where I'm going with this and approve of my little plot twist, that's the only way I'll continue writing it and not just stop updating completely and leave you guys in the dark ! (I love reading your comments btw). Plus, I had to research alcohol poisoning for this! It's true thay you can go into a coma and die if you drink too much but there'll be more specific stuff in the next chapter, whenever that will be...
> 
> Important!:
> 
> For the purpose of this story, the curse has already broken. Ayame has moved out of the main estate and lives in an apartment with Mine. Akito rejected Shigure and is happy with Kureno.
> 
> So, here you go! Enjoy! Or don't..
> 
> Warning of mild violence...

Another nightmare haunted Shigure's sleep, causing him to toss and turn, letting out small cries of anguish, heat flooding his body, and sweat trickling in a steady stream from his forehead plastering clumps of thick black hair to his forehead.

Little did he know that his cries did not go completely unnoticed as, at around 2 a.m. when Shigure was only halfway through his horror, Kyo awoke and went to get a cold glass (or two) of milk.

He went downstairs and drank without trouble but, on the way up, paused outside of Shigure's room, thinking he had heard something. He listened closely until his sensitive ears picked up the sound again. He opened the door quickly, not bothering to be neither quiet or considerate. He walked over to his cousin's bed, his footsteps echoing faintly on the floor boards in the silence of the night. Until that silence was interrupted by another small cry.

He looked down at the man in the bed, a mess of limbs intertwined in a duvet, sweat and what seemed like bandages. They were clean so he didn't take anymore notice of them. He was clearly distressed. Looking closer, he could see that he was tangled in the blanket in a way that made it look like he had just failed to kick them off, pillows lay strewn on the already messy floor and sweat flowed from his forehead, his breath coming in quick, rapid and uneven bursts.

"Shigure?" He nudged the dogs stomach only to have him whimper and turn onto his right side, his back now facing Kyo, his hands pawing at nothing and his legs trying in vain to escape from the confining heat of his duvet.

As Kyo tapped his shoulder, he moved closer to the wall until he hit his head. That in itself, knowing he had reached the end and had nowhere else to move only increased his struggle until he was continually hitting his head.

"Hey, Shigure, wake up!"

With no good response, Kyo thought fast, turned around and picked up a pillow. He moved towards his cousin and put it between his forehead and the wall. Looking closer he could see that Shigure's face was pale and stricken with panic. It finally came to him that he was having a nightmare and figured, the best thing to do was force him awake.

He firmly held onto Shigure's shoulders and shook them only to have the dog shout loud enough to wake the whole house up. He let go of his shoulders and listened for movement from Tohru's and Yuki's room. Hearing nothing, he looked back to the dog and watched as he rolled into his back and tried and failed at kicking the blanket off of his shaking form again. He was struggling and his limbs were only getting more tangled as he blindly flailed around.

Kyo just stood there, helplessly watching until a memory flooded into his mind

_Kyo had only moved into Shigure's house a couple days ago and he was already hating it. He had to go to a mix-gender school, live with that damn rat and a guy he hardly knew apart from when he came round on new year's was his new "guardian". Yup, he was really hating it._

_He sighed as he lay down in bed, waiting for the familiar yet, just as terrifying nightmare to take over his sleep. He'd been having nightmares ever since he first moved in as Kazuma thought it would be best for him to stay with Shigure for a while._

_Oh well, what could he do?_

_With that he fell into a tormented sleep_.

_Shigure had just finished reading and decided to check on the kids before going to bed. Since they had moved in, he had changed slightly, he was a little more responsible and caring and a little less silly and childish._

_First up was Yuki who was sound asleep, his face angelic for once and peaceful. Shigure smiled and softly closed the door on the way out._

_Up next was Kyo. He opened the door to take a peek only to see Kyo rolling around on the bed and letting out helpless cries, as soft as any kitten._

_"Kyo-kun..!" He exclaimed as he rushed over to the kitty and observed him closer. His troubled expression and restless sleep pointed to one conclusion: a nightmare._

_Now, Shigure Sohma had had enough nightmares as a kid so he knew exactly how to help._

_He crouched down and slowly started to hush the mewling kitten and tell him it was okay, he was with Shigure now, he was safe, Shigure wouldn't let anyone or anything hurt him. He stretched out his arm and ran his hand through Kyo's fiery hair, brushing it from his face. Kyo suddenly rolled onto his side allowing Shigure a beautifully clear view of his back. Without hesitation, Shigure's outstretched hand moved to the kitten's back as he started to rub it and whisper more calming words until Kyo had all but calmed down and his face was as serene as Yuki's._

_Smiling, he stood up and left the room but not before whispering "Goodnight little Kyo-kun, sleep well,"_

Finally Kyo knew what to do. He crouched down at the side of the bed and started rubbing circular patterns into the dog's back which only led to his breathing hitching and more kicks.

Why wasn't it working?

"Shigure-san? It's okay, it's just me, Kyo. Just try to calm down.." Kyo encouraged, continuing to soothe his cousin until his face was no longer contorted with terror.

His legs were starting to burn from the crouching position he'd been in for a couple minutes but he could see what he was doing was working so he bit his lip and carried on.

"There, are you okay now?" Kyo asked after about 10 minutes, giving him a few more pats on the back before he stood much to his leg's relief and looked down at Shigure who was now softly snoring. Even in the darkness of the room his eyes could see that Shigure was still much paler than he should be but there was nothing he could do about it at the moment.

He walked towards the door stopping to whisper "Goodnight yah big dog, sleep well,"

He left and went back to his own room where he collapsed into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

 

The Next Day

* * *

 

In the morning, Shigure tried to act as normal as he could knowing that Kyo had been in his room last night. Though he hadn't actually seen him, he could've sworn he had heard Kyo's voice in his dream near the end, just before things had stopped being so terrifying plus, he was the dog, he had the sense of smell and he could smell a cat from a mile away.

Shigure's day was uneventful to say the most. The kids left for school and he worked on his manuscript and smoked, ignoring the desperate pleas for food from his poor stomach. However, this peaceful day would change by dinner...

It was a little past 7 in the evening. Tohru, Yuki, Kyo, Momiji and Haru were all setting the table for dinner, smiling and conversing as they did so.

With Shigure doing God-knows-what in his room, Hatori sat alone on the verandah halfway through his cigarette. His nerves were a little unsettled when he thoght about what he knew was going to happen.

He knew just what he had to do tonight in front of the kids, he knew he had to put a stop to Shigure's stupid antics before he went too far.

After tonight, there was no going back and no re-dos. It had to be perfect.

"Hatori-saaaaann!"

He heard Momiji yell from inside with that perfect sugary voice, sweet enough to give you diabetes.

He put out his smoke and tossed it into the ash tray Shigure and him used before walking inside.

"Could one of you get Shigure-san, please?" Tohru asked kindly.

"Sure Honda-san, but, could you do me a favour and go help Momiji clean up? I have no idea how he got that mud all over him and if he goes alone, he's just going to mess about."

"Of course! It's okay! Come on Momiji-kun!"

Momiji grabbed hold of Tohru's hand and they both left.

"I'll go get-"

"No. I need to talk to you about something Shigure can't be here for and, it's be best that Momiji and Tohru don't hear." Hatori said, cutting off Haru.

Nobody said a word. They just sat at the table and looked at him expectantly and a little confused.

"I'm not going to sugarcoat this in anyway, I'll be blunt."

They just started, anticipation building.

_No going back now Hatori, it's now or never.._

"It's come to my atten-" before he could even finish the word, Ayame burst through the front door and into the room, grinning like the playful fool he ever seemingly oblivious to his surroundings.

"Yuki-kun! My dearest-"

"Ayame! Sit down!" Hatori roared, pushing Aya's outstretched arms to his side and pulling him to the floor.

Yuki shot Ayame an uncertain look as if to say he was confused as to what was going on too. Ayame quickly realised the atmosphere and was silent. Everyone was silent. Four pairs of eyes all focused on Hatori, waiting.

He took in a deep breath and looked at each member present.

"Like I said, I'll be blunt. Shigure is cutting himself."

Now this really got their attention. Yuki gasped, shocked at the sudden revelation while Kyo just stared, completely dumbfounded, even Haru lost his impassive demeanor for a moment and a shadow flittered across his face, his hands clenching into fists. Aya stared at Hatori too, but not in a shocked way, he was outraged, furious.

"He's also claiming he's depressed. But take no notice, as usual, he's only attention seeking,"

"Hatori!" Yuki squeaked, looking straight at the doctor intending to try to stand up for the poor dog. None of them doubted if what Hatori said was true, they were just so shocked at the way Hatori regarded Shigure...

"Yuki, listen, I've known Shigure since we were kids. I went to college with the idiot where he went through this same phase, if you ignore it, it will pass,"

 _But you didn't just ignore it in college did you? You did something so much worse..._ Ayame thought to himself as Hatori spoke.

"Now, as a doctor I know a depressed person to an attention seeker and Shigure is the latter. To go against my judgement is to go against me, not only as his doctor but, as his friend and his family. I'm sure you all want him to 'recover'. If that's your best interest then leave him alone otherwise, you will only make him worse."

Ayame was glaring at Hatori, visibly outraged by every word that left his mouth.

"But he-"

Kyo was cut off by Hatori.

"Listen he is a stupid, attention seeking, pathetic, annoying, good for nothing-"

"Stop!" Kyo slammed his fists onto the table. Everyone was looking from him to Hatori, still shocked from the news.

"If you interfere with him, everything will be so much worse. You will regret it." Hatori's voice was low and dangerous, it sent a chill down the cat's spine.

"Do not go against this and don't you dare breathe a word to Tohru or Momiji, I'm sure you wouldn't want them to worry like that." He looked everyone in the eye in turn before bowing his head.

"Someone go get the fool."

They were slightly uncomfortable about Hatori insulting Shigure like that but they decided not to say anything for now.

Yuki stood silently and left the room to retrieve the dog only to bump into him in the hallway. The rat gasped, realising that his cousin might've heard everything Hatori had just said and, judging by his flushed cheeks, crumpled expression and the tears streaming down his face, he did hear it..

"Shigure-san..." was all he could say. He was still reeling from everything he had learned and heard and seeing that Shigure knew that they all knew just left him in stunned silence.

"Shigure, I-" but before he could any words of comfort to his cousin, Hatori's words came flooding into his mind.

_He is only attention seeking... To go against my judgement is to go against me... Leave him alone... You'll only make worse... Do not go against this..._

However, seeing Shigure so vulnerable and sad..

No, he knew what he had to do, he had to listen to Hatori on this one.

"Shigure,"

The dog looked up from the floor and stopped whimpering and wiped away his tears, looking somewhat hopeful as to what Yuki would say.

"Come and have dinner." He could see Shigure's face fall.

Instead of waiting for him, Yuki turned his back and went back to the living room, his footsteps feeling a thousand times heavier.

As he say at the table, he could feel everyone's gaze on him, even Hatori's.

"He'll be here soon but.." He hesitated.

"Go on" Hatori said.

"He heard evrything."

Kyo and Haru looked at him, unsured of what to think

"Yeah, he was just in the hallway, and he told me he heard." Yuki decided to say that instead of admitting to them that Shigure had been crying.

"It doesn't matter, at least now he knows you won't fall for his stupid act and he might snap out of it quicker."

Shigure walked in, his eyes sore and puffy and his face slightly red with embarrassment as he sat down at the end of the table next to Haru.

A few moment passed and Momiji walked in with Tohru trailing behind, both smiling widely.

"Look Haa-san! No more mud!"

"Gosh, that was hard to get out!" She said but she was still smiling in what you could say was relief.

The two greeted Shigure and everyone started eating. Conversation was short it was mainly only Tohru and Momiji speaking, everyone else wasn't in the best mood.

Eventually everyone was silent as they ate, the atmosphere heavy with a foreboding sense of dread which hushed even the happiest of spirits.

Tohru was in the kitchen with Yuki, cleaning the dishes as Haru and Momiji packed their schoolwork away and Hatori had a quick smoke. Kyo was on the roof and Shigure remained at the table, silent, unmoving. Nobody had said a word to him and nobody really dared to. Well, nobody but Tohru who asked if he was okay and Hatori.

He had just finished his smoke and needed to say one more thing to Shigure before he left.

"Shigure! Come here!" He yelled from the verandah.

Soon Shigure was standing in the doorway, the night air still and slightly humid, the bright moon casting ominous shadows.

"Come closer so I can see your face,"

Shigure walked over until he was standing in front of his older cousin. Hatori jumped up from his seat and wrapped his hands around Shigure's throat, squeezing slightly.

"You leave those kids alone, especially Momiji and Tohru," he warned in a deep throaty voice.

"Or you'll have me to answer to, do you understand?"

Shigure nodded as much as he could in the suffocating hold only to have Hatori add more pressure on his neck to a point where the dog couldn't breathe.

"I didn't hear you,"

As much as he tried, he couldn't say anything due to the fact that Hatori was squeezing so hard. He tried to breathe in but was restricted. He brought his arms from his side's and tried to pry Hatori off of him but, it was useless, Hatori was too strong.

His lungs screamed in vain for oxygen, his throat with white hot pain, even his eyes teared up, he was in agony. That's when, despite all the pain, he started to feel more distant, he was getting lightheaded. He dropped his hands and started to slump in Hatori's grip. He closed his eyes but, just as he was about to pass out, Hatori gave another painful squeeze and let go, allowing Shigure to fall to the floor and clutch at his throat.

Hatori could swear he heard the howling of wolves in the distance, he looked off into the trees seeing nothing but darkness.

"Hatori-san, we're ready to..." Haru trailed off as he saw Shigure panting on the floor, holding his throat.

He moved over to the cowering form on the floor but, before he could crouch down, Hatori shouted at him.

"Don't touch him!"

Haru was getting frustrated, a doctor unwilling to help someone in need or let someone else help that person?

"First you punched him and bruised his face and now what? What did you do to him?" Venom dripped from his voice, his black side pushing through.

"Nothing he didn't deserve" Hatori was now smirking, his eyes so full of malice, so unlike Hatori.

"Now get in the goddamn car."

Haru wasn't the obedient type but, even he knew not to mess with the doctor when he was angry and especially not if he's like this, malicious, spiteful, callous.

He looked down at Shigure and felt his heart sink at the pitiful sight. The fact that Hatori hurt him made his blood boil and vision go red but, he couldn't do anything about it just yet.

He turned and left along with Aya and Momiji. They sat in the car waiting.

"You're scum Shigure. Your mind is fucked up and so is your body and I'm the one who has to deal with that." He kicked the dog in the ribs harder than he should making him yelp and shake even more. And growl? Was that Shigure? It was a deep, throaty sound, something from a provoked dog or wolf. He looked down at the form on the floor and then into the distance where he could've sworn he had heard the sound of wolves howling...

Deciding not to stick around and find out who or what it came from, Hatori walked to the car and everything was quiet again.

Kyo had had enough of seeing Tohru slave away at cleaning and Yuki sit there and annoy him, he had decided to go to his room and try to study, much to their surprise.

Now, cats don't have the best sense of smell in the world but, it was good enough to pick up the unmistakable metallic tang of blood coming from Shigure's room as he walked past. He paused outside the door, taking another deep breath to double check the smell.

_Yup, definitely blood.._

Raw panic rose up from his chest and his heart wrenched with apprehension. He was praying to Kami it wasn't what he thought.

Going against Hatori, he called out to the dog. Not getting a response, he twisted the doorknob and walked in.

His eyes widened as he switched on the lights and saw his older cousin sprawled out on the red stained bed. His arms lay limply by his side, leaking a steady stream of red onto the bed sheets. His eyes were closed and his face was frozen in an expression of screaming pain but, thank Kami his breathing was normal, if not, slightly shallower.

He closed the door and looked around the room, his eyes lingering on the object he was hoping to find. A discarded first aid kit.

Suppressing the blind panic to try to seem at least a little calm and like he knew what he was doing as not to worry Shigure when he opened his eyes, Kyo grabbed the first aid kit and walked over to the dog in the bed.

"Shigure?" He said, "Come with me to the bathroom," but even after understanding saying that made him sound like a little kid too scared to use the bathroom alone, he didn't care.

"I-is... is... Kyon-Kitty ... too scared... to go alone?" Shigure said wearily, struggling to even speak without taking great pauses to breathe in deeply. He was still laying completely still, and his eyes were still closed. If only Kyo could see the sadness and pain hidden deep behind the mask of once bright and sparkling eyes.

"Yes," Kyo replied. With extra care, the cat helped the dog sit up and took a moment to inspect the cuts.

He grimaced at the sight and not out of disgust, he did it because the wounds were bad. His left forearm harboured healing cuts, a few days old but, there were fresh ones on his wrist, a little too deep judging by the amout of blood pouring from them, not to worry about. The same cuts were on his right wrist but the forearm was clean, save for the pale scars that seemed years old, now covered in a thin layer of drying blood.

"Some day.."

"Shigure-san?"

"Eh? Nothing.."

"'Some day'?"

"Like I said... Kyon-Kitty... I mean nothing... by it.." He was panting now, the effort of talking apparent in his breathing and closed eyes.

Deciding to act now and talk later, Kyo slowly lead the dog to the bathroom, first aid kit in hand where he cleaned the fresh ones and did what he could to disinfect and bandage them up.

When he had cleaned up the mess and went back to Shigure's room, he sat his cousin in his desk chair while he changed the sheets in complete silence and finally lay the man down to rest before leaving,however, not to study anymore, he now had to plan out a serious conversation with Haru..

It was about 9 p.m. when Ayame burst through the front door for the second time that day.

"Just great! As if seeing you once today wasn't enough!" Yuki exclaimed as he walked into the hallway to see what the commotion was.

"Worry not my dear brother, for it is not you whom I've come for, it is but my dearest Gure-san!" He said, putting his hand to his forehead, sighing dramatically. "I really need my Gure-san." He put on a broad smile and gave his brother a suggestive wink.

"Eew..."

"Don't worry, it's not what you think... entirely. I'm taking him out for a drink. Oh, my lovely Shigure." His eyes went twinkle as if he was lovestruck.

"Ugh, fine, just try not to get him drunk, he's still our guardian.."

"Sure thing, sure you kids will be alright alone?" He asked a little more seriously.

"Yes, just leave."

With that, Shigure descended the stairs and gave them a weak, forced smile.

"I'll be back soon..." He said meekly before taking Ayame and leaving.

* * *

 

Later that night 

* * *

 

"Moshi moshi?" Yuki said as he put the phone to his ear.

"Guresanznhsptl..." someone mumbled down the line. Yuki would recognise the voice anywhere.

"What was that? Is that you again Aya?"

"Guresanznhsptl..." He mumbled again only a little louder this time.

"Aya, if you don't talk properly, I swear to Kami I'll-"

"GURE-SAN IS IN HOSPITAL!" He yelled.

Yuki winced at the volume, it was a little past one and he was already getting a headache. Then the realisation of the words hit him.

"Hospital?" He repeated.

"Yes, now please open the front door."

Yuki was a little stunned at how quickly his brother had gained composure he never knew the snake had.

"The front door..?" He echoed.

"Yes Yuki I'm outside."

"Oh, okay"

He put down the receiver and went to let in an unusually calm Aya, especially considering his best friend was in hospital.

They both went into the living room and sat down, Aya staring at the floor and Yuki staring at Aya.

"Well..?" Yuki said, beginning to really worry.

Aya regarded him and started to speak in quiet, hushed tones.

"Oh Kami... He has alcohol poisoning Yuki... He is seriously sick... He wouldn't wake up... In hospital, there were so many tubes, so much pain... broken wrist..." He sounded like he was on the verge of crying. "He's not waking up now, Yuki.. won't wake up.."

Yuki's breath caught in his throat at the seriousness of the situation and that fact that he saw a tear roll down his older brother's cheek. He didn't understand what was happening.

"What happened nii-san?"

"We got there, and we sat down. I was trying to get him to talk but all he did was look at me, frown and then order drinks. And he kept ordering them. And he drank them all, one after the other. I tried to stop him Yuki, I tried to make him stop when I realised that, even after he was completely drunk he wasn't willing to stop." There was a long pause as another tear slid down his cheek, his eyes covered by his long silver hair, then he continued his rushed and to the point explanation. "Believe it or not, Shigure is a pretty tolerant person, the most tolerant to alcohol I know. It takes quite a lot to get him drunk. He drank enough to get two of me drunk before he was drunk. And he just kept ordering and I couldn't stop him Yuki. After a while, the bartender realised that he was drinking every single drink he ordered and told him to stop too. He said no and tried to order more but she wouldn't serve him anymore which I was grateful for. Then he went into one of the dark corners and started dry-heaving. I went to get him water and when I came back he was gone. I looked around until I saw some commotion. I went over and there he was. Sitting next to an unconscious guy, looking up at me and holding his wrist. We got kicked out, apparently he had started a fight. When we were outside he kept complaing that he was in pain from his wrist.

"I kept asking him why he started a fight and then he just started fucking cursing at me and telling me to fuck off and so I did, I went back to my apartment. About two hours later I wake up and there's someone banging on the door. It's him of course. I let him in and he just collapses. He's cold and shaking and unconscious so, I put him on the futon and try to make him warm and he falls asleep but then he starts making this weird gargling sound as if he can't breath and I realise he's fucking choking on his vomit so I sit him up and get him a bucket and he just empties his stomach into it. He's shaking and convulsing while he's being sick and the stuff that came up.. it wasn't normal." He looked straight at Yuki, allowing another tear to slip down his cheek. "Fuck, Yuki, he starts shaking and he won't stop and he was hyperventialtiong, I didn't know what else to do.. This is more than just being drunk.. I get him to calm down and .. I roll up his sleeve.. And there are, uhm, well, you could tell he'd injected something... I instantly called the ambulance.

"And then the ambulance came and wouldn't let me see him and then I got to the hospital with him and they told me he was poisoned and they let me see him for a bit and he looked horrible and they told me that he could go into a coma because he'd drunk so goddamn much and they said a lot of doctor things that I didn't understand and they said he might go into a coma and he could die and I had to go and then I came here and oh Kani..." He was full on crying now. His best friend was in hospital. The person who had always stood by his side through thick and thin, good and bad was laying in a hospital bed hooked up to machines that had to breathe for him.

Yuki shuffled over and slung his arms around his brother, hugging him until the tears seemed to have subsided.

"Why did you even agree to to drinking with him?" Yuki's voiced wavered. In truth, he was terrified for Shigure's health as well and was anxious to see him.

"Yuki, the poor guy is going through a rough time and Hatori only makes it worse. He just needed to forget things for a night and drinking could do that. Plus, he's my best friend and has been there for me, even when he was going through his own things, how could I just turn him down?"

"Good point" Yuki mumbled as he looked at the floor.

"Hey, cheer up, we can go see him if you want?"

"Please"

With that, they got up and went to wake Tohru and Kyo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Done! Voila! Took me ages! I hope you're happy! (Tell me if and where I have made spelling or grammar mistakes and I'll fix it!). I have other ones to work on! But, the more kudos and comments, the quicker I update so, if you want to know what happens to Shigure, Hatori and everyone's reactions and what Shigure does (if he can do anything), then do those things!! Until next time guys, love youuuu.


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